Fact: Your parents were opting for an abortion, but since their religion denies them that one carnal pleasure of Population Control, here you are.
Ergo, I am awesome because you suck.
Fact: Everyone at your job secretly wishes that a horrible yet fantastically and endlessly humorous accident would befall you, therefore removing you from their fast track to success and granting them the freedom to stop cursing you behind your back as well as freeing up more time to do other things than to continually try to sabotage everything you and make you look like a stupid little girl who got dumped on her doorstep on Prom Night for her older much better looking sister.
Ergo, I am awesome because you suck.
Fact: Everybody that is close to you continues to fantasize what life would be like if you had never existed. Maybe there wouldn’t be such an annoying asshole to impart nothing to a conversation but a repeat of what somebody has already said, only this time adding some kind of emphasis that you thought was sorely lacking from the situation.
Ergo, I am awesome because you suck.
Face it. Because you suck, I don’t. It’s kind of a yin&yang thing. One cannot exist without the other. It’s a sad but true fact of life. My father once sat me down to tell me the facts of life and now I am imparting my own little bits of wisdom on to you so that you don’t go out into the world and have your ego crushed as you realize that you are, indeed, teh suck.
My advice to you is to just grab some tinfoil, a dirty magazine and crawl into the corner where nobody can see you. (Besides, it’s annoying when you cry and we have to keep the lines of communication open for those of who, unlike you, do not suck).
On a side note, if you have been pointed to this page by a friend, relative, or co-worker, I hate to tell you this, but they have just confirmed everything I have just told you.