Author: Matthew Trevino | Categories: Television | Date: June 13, 2007
The Tags: Sopranos

I’ve never even seen one episode of the so-called critically acclaimed “the Sopranos”. I’ve never even liked the idea of sitting down for an hour watching an old, bald fat Italian mafia-type guy get laid, snort coke, or shoot people in the face.

But what I saw (the last episode) was beyond words. It was nothing short of sitting down on the couch to find that somebody had left a giant dildo between the cushions and you have just unknowingly and, without lube, fucked yourself.

The entire hour was spent in some sort of suspended suspense. What’s going to happen? Somebody’s going to get shot! Somebody’s going to jail! Somebody’s…

Not shit happened. The son almost killed… because he parks his god-damn s.u.v. on a pile of leaves and they catch fire. Another main character gets shot in the head, but it’s so comedic that it couldn’t even be taken half as seriously as anything else in the episode. Tony continues to be eavesdropped on by the (feds?) but nobody makes a move.

There are secret meetings, and then a meeting between the two families (?) in a freezer where they just sit around and shoot the shit and bitch about random things.

And how does it end? In a diner with three things setting up the viewer to say Somebody’s going to get shot! but what happens?

FUCKING NOTHING!

It just blinks off (we thought the tv had gone out) with the words “…don’t stop!”

What a bunch of bull-fuck! That’s an hour of my life that I will never get back. The Sopranos series finale was so horrible, I will probably never watch HBO again.

“It’s not tv – it’s HBO”. Well, at least they got one thing right: It’s not tv – it’s a load of bullfuck.

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